I feel like it’s been awhile since I’ve written about my husband. You might not know that he just celebrated a milestone birthday. He turned 30 last month.
I guess to say that he celebrated it is a mild overstatement. “We celebrated him“ is a more accurate way to put it. He assured us all day until 4:30 pm that we were jumping the gun and he wasn’t actually 30 yet. (He was born at 4:30 pm)
As I washed dishes and listened in on his birthday party (only 10 people) from the kitchen, I was just so blessed. Blessed to observe him enjoying his friends, and just blessed to call him mine. Ten years ago, when he was just twenty, I met him. Now here we are. So much has happened, and I’m so grateful for him, and all the things we have got to experience together. I wouldn’t trade our life for anything.
I guess our story began when we met.
We were introduced by a dear friend, a mutual friend of ours, who was sure we were perfect for each other. Was it “love at first sight?” Well, it was for him. Me? Well of course I thought he was cute, but…
(Apparently I was intimidating, which makes me laugh so hard.) And nervousness made him extremely polite and proper. I remember describing him to my best friend, as “cute and really nice, but almost ‘weird polite.” 😅
Once we learned to know each other, he realized that I’m not at all scary, and I realized he was was more than just cute. A lot more. He was a man who knew what he wanted and where he was going in life. He was a natural leader and I appreciated that quality in him. I still do.
5-6 months after we met, we started officially dating. Just over a year later we were married.
We thought we had discussed all the big important things, but we found we still had some differences to work through.
For those who are into the Myers-Briggs personality test, I’m an ESFP (The Entertainer) and Cory is an ENTP (The Debater.) For those who aren’t into the Myers Briggs personality test (yet,) you may check it out here. https://www.16personalities.com
In the study of our two personalities, I’ve read that ENTP/ESFP marriages are likely to end in divorce. But I have a feeling that study was done with an element missing. That element is the Holy Spirit, and we’re counting on Him and each other. No plans of joining those statistics. 🙂
I think our biggest difference is that he’s a thinker and I’m a feeler. Sometimes I feel like that is a really big difference. 😉 I say things/do things, based on how I feel or how I think someone else feels, while he acts out of pure logic. I make some really dumb mistakes sometimes, but I can count on Cory. Whatever he does is going to make sense.
Cory is the maturity in our relationship, the solid, steady one. If I were a kite, he would be the guy holding the string. Who knows what would happen if he let go. (haha) That may be a slight exaggeration, but I can’t think of a better analogy.
(10 years ago there were a lot of well meaning people who were sure he was bad news. I hope they can see what a good stable man he is, and what a wonderful anchor he is for me. I will stop with with the analogies.)
Cory is confident and decisive. I absolutely love that about him. He knows what he thinks, and the opinions of others will only change that if he researches their theories and decides they’re more correct than his.
He’s a mechanical genius (he’s who keeps the turkey houses from falling apart.) He does all his own equipment and vehicle maintenance, and he’s expert at improving systems and making jobs less time consuming. I often comment “hey! that’s a really good idea!” To which he replies “I’m full of ‘em!” (He really is.)
I on the other hand… I do things the way I’ve always done them, and looking for new ways to do things doesn’t cross my mind. Logic isn’t my strong suit, in fact you could call me thoroughly blonde. How blonde? Well last week I made a S’more with a Reese’s cup and I forgot to take the paper off the Reese’s cup. Tried to take a bite, discovered my mistake, and you should have heard Cory laugh.
Cory is an animal guy, (except for dogs.) He’s a beef farmer, and not just a guy that feeds his cows from a skid loader and drives away. His cows are almost 100% grass fed. He is so happy when he’s out there moving his electric fence, and doing the whole rotational grazing thing. His cows hear him coming and they come running over. They know he’s their person and they’re about to get their new grass.
Cattle business isn’t real lucrative these days, and some days he talks about selling the cows and doing something more profitable. But we always come back to this. You have to pay for therapy. May as well pay for fun therapy, right?
I on the other hand, am not an animal person. Except for dogs. I love them. Those cows kinda terrify me if I’m being honest. Not so much the cows, I guess. But the bulls. I’m completely afraid of them. Cory says they are just pets, big babies if you will, but I don’t care. They just walk past me, breathing, and I feel threatened.
Sometimes he has me help him to load them on the trailer. I walk out there almost shaking with complete terror. Not exaggerating. I pray for our safety and hope for the best, but I’m already feeling threatened before we even start.
That man. He will walk right up to a humongous bull, and literally push with all his might, to encourage him to get on the trailer. This is probably all the information you need, to prove that his bulls really are “big babies.” But I don’t care. A bull is a bull. I’m scared of them all, and he is not. Therefore he is my hero.
My primary love language is gifts, and I think “touch” and “words of affirmation” tie for second place. Cory’s primary is acts of service, followed by quality time. Sometimes I think we couldn’t possibly be more different.
Yet in some ways, we’re actually pretty similar. Both extroverts, both a little on the side of… too relaxed, maybe? (Not super-scheduled, particular, organized, disciplined people.) We agree on money matters, and when it comes to child-training, schooling, church and theology, we’re on the same page. We’re both horribly un-athletic. Zero interest in sports. Period. We both love studying personalities and seeing how our similarities and differences complement each other, or otherwise.
Did you ever wonder what would happen if a couple agreed on all the big important things? I’ll tell you a secret. They may just argue over the little things. And when both are very stubborn (or should I say determined?) people, there’s lots of potential. Lots of potential opportunities to make a big deal over things that don’t even matter. We’ve crowned ourselves the King and Queen of the Last Word. 🙄😅
You may be wondering: Just how petty are these people? Hahaha good try. I’m not going to tell you just how petty we can be. Stop by on the wrong day and you just might find out. What I will tell you, is that about 95 percent of our “discussions” are about food. Yes, food.
(Well, food and covering strings. Don’t ask. All I’m saying is this. Remember the kite analogy if you want to know who’s holding on to the string. And you probably won’t understand this unless you’re from a similar culture. But back to the food.
Why food? Well, cooking is my favorite part of my “job.” Making food for an appreciative bunch of eaters is therapy for me. But I’m a free spirit. Where the 17 year old me thought rules were made for breaking, 29 year old me believes recipes were made for experimenting, tweaking, and perfecting. It is rare for me to cook something, even a new recipe, without tweaking it a little. And I don’t write down what I changed. Drives. Cory. Nuts.
He is a stickler. When he drives, he does the speed limit. And when he cooks, he pulls out a recipe, and follows that thing to a T. No dumping and pouring for him. He finds it so annoying, when I can’t duplicate a dish he really likes, because I just “threw it together.” He can NOT understand why I don’t just follow the recipe. Thus, many many food “discussions.” Sometimes more than the food gets a little heated.
We’re just grateful that it’s mainly food we disagree on. It could be money. Or parenting. Or whatever other couples disagree over. We all have our things.
Don’t go calling the band-aid buggy for our relationship, we are just fine. 🙂 I’m just being transparent here, because I feel like marriage is portrayed by some as heaven, and then portrayed by others as hell, and it is neither one. I think it’s somewhere in between. A beautifully messy blend of ups and downs, that serve to bring us closer to one another and Jesus.
I know this is a horrible analogy, especially in this time where “virus“ is almost a dirty word. But I’ve often compared marriage issues to a persistent virus. (We’re currently fighting such a virus in our turkeys.) When scientists finally get a vaccine figured out to combat a virus, sometimes the virus mutates, and the vaccine is no longer effective. So they have to constantly study and work, and figure out a new way to attack that virus. They never fully arrive.
So it is with marriage. At first the struggle may simply be learning to live peaceably in the same house with someone you’ve not lived/interacted quite so closely with. Then about the time you get all those wrinkles ironed out, a baby comes along and rocks your world.
With this new little person comes a whole package of new things. New joys, new responsibilities, new sleep patterns, and yes, new struggles that you’ve never known before. Becoming parents together has been one of the most amazing parts of our journey together.
There’s always work to be done in a marriage, and sometimes in different stages, when the struggles “mutate” or change, we have to change our tactics. Maybe it’s God’s way of keeping us on our toes?
In the Bible, Paul says that married people will have trouble. The Bible is the inspired Word of God, so of course it’s true! I’ve had married people tell me that they don’t have any conflict in their marriage, but I don’t buy it. You can talk til you’re blue in the face. Not going to change my mind. 🙂
Yes, those who marry will have trouble, but no trouble is too big for God. “God would not bring you to it if He couldn’t bring you through it,” says a tired old cliche. But so true. If you have the opportunity to get married, and you want to get married, don’t avoid it because of Apostle Paul’s predictions. It is so worth the “trouble.”
And there are ways around the “trouble.” We have been invited several times with some friends, to go through the “Love and Respect” series by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. Y’all, that book is gold. And watching the videos and hearing him share his heart and his discoveries of how God has designed us (not wrong, just different) is so eye-opening!
I wonder how many times my husband has looked at me and said “you’re feeling unloved, aren’t you?Do you just need a hug?” He’s a quicker learner than me, I guess, and much better at exiting- or even avoiding the “crazy cycle.” If you haven’t read the book or seen the dvds, I’m just boring you to death right now. But I highly recommend you read it.
It explains so much that doesn’t seem to make sense in male/female relationships. Even the second time we watched them, I found myself shaking my head, as things clicked that had never clicked before. Oh… that’s why he does X,Y and Z when I do A, B and C!
I love how I can see our relationship maturing as we get older and learn together how to make the sailing as smooth as possible. For example, Cory is not a person with lots of feelings and emotions, but he knows I am, and he watches out for me.
Recently, we found ourselves on a late night drive, rushing to be with some of our best friends who lost almost everything they had in a house fire. Not much was being said, we were just focused on getting there. Longest 50 minute drive we ever made. And possibly in the shortest time.
We were almost there, and I noticed Cory searching all around in the front of the car, and then stuffing some paper towels in his overall pocket. “I can’t find tissues,” he explained. “And you’re for sure gonna need some.” That melted my heart. Bout needed one on the spot.
I’m still working on being that perceptive and considerate of him. I already mentioned that I tend to think with my feelings. Logic is not my strong suit. But I try. 🙂 Over the past 7 years we’re getting better and better at navigating life together. Now we’re coming up on our 8 year anniversary, and I can’t wait to see what God has written in the rest of our story.
So this somehow how went from “talk about Cory” to “ramble about our relationship.” Oh well. Better just post it before it gets any longer.
I’ve never done this before, but if y’all have any ideas for blog posts, anything you wonder about us, or whatever, please let me know! No promises, but put it in the comments , or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
I love writing, but life is busy and inspiration is patchy these days. Cory says I should write more, but I tell him y’all already know everything there is to know about us. 😅 but maybe I’m wrong. Let me know. 🙂