It’s Saturday evening, and just like every evening at this time, we are rocking. The old brown leather recliner holds us both, between its arms, while I wrestle with you- and you wrestle with sleep… both of us determined to win.
So far you have never won; sleep always takes over at some point, but that doesn’t stop you from trying. There’s nothing I can do but hold you -and wait…
So every night, we sit here and rock…
It’s been one of those days… I look all around, at my kitchen that sadly needs swept, my unwashed dishes and un-folded laundry that I will finish once you’re asleep, and I still have not started on tomorrow’s lunch. Not even for sure what all we’re having!
This waiting isn’t always the easiest on my patience. For you see, (unlike you-) I WANT to sleep, and I can’t do that until all my work is done!
I remember back to this time last year… the evenings found me in this same dear old recliner back then as well, because it was the only place that my big uncomfortable self could sleep.
It was different then, though. By evening my laundry was all folded and put away back then; my kitchen counters all sparkly and clean… and the next day’s lunch? No problem, it was all planned, and sometimes right ready to stick in the oven!
Still, I would sit and rock in the evening, and wait. Not always patiently. I would sing you lullabies and pray for you; I would feel you move and wonder what you would look like. And why it was taking so long for you to get here.
I envisioned our life with you in it, but I envisioned it in the way one would who has never experienced life with a baby…just like it was before you; only with a little cuddly baby added! (Only when you grow up to be a mom, will you really understand what I mean here. When they say a baby changes everything, they literally mean EVERYTHING.)
I didn’t really think about the nights I’d end up crying with you -(you because you so badly want to stay awake, and me because I want just that badly to be asleep!)
I didn’t think about how hard it would be to drag myself out of bed in the mornings and start my day.
I didn’t consider how much harder my outside chores would be when I added a baby carrier to my attire… or how going to the bathroom alone would be a thing of the past.
I didn’t consider that something as simple as filling our plates in a buffet line, would be changed forever.
No, these things didn’t cross my mind; I just thought about how sweet it would be to meet you and finally hold you; and I thought about the waiting. For forever, it seemed; and I wondered when you ever would arrive.
And then one day, in Gods time, you did! All 7 lb, 4 oz of you, and perfect from head to toe. I looked at you and was so surprised- they had told me newborns aren’t so beautiful at first… but there you were- the most beautiful baby I had ever seen!
Almost a year has gone by since you came to live with your Papa and me… But as your eyes start to drift shut, you smile; and I still think you are the most beautiful gift God has ever given me.
After all, before you came, I didn’t know about your little smile that looks just like your Papa’s ( and melts my heart just as completely.)
I didn’t know that peekaboo would become my new favorite game…
I didn’t know that a sweet little voice saying “Mama” is the prettiest music there is…
And I didn’t know, that every night, after you’ve finally given up and sleep has won again, you would look so precious that I wouldn’t want to put you down… You may be little, but you surely have taught me a lot!
It’s early Sunday morning. You are finally fast asleep in my arms. As I tuck you in your little bed, I decide we are just having hamburgers for our Sunday lunch, and I tuck myself in bed as well.. Fancy Sunday food? Maybe next week!
Sweet dreams, Little One…